When the pandemic reared its ugly head last year, I'm sure most of you will agree the isolation alone created a whole new layer to the angst we faced. Being a single man, sans a spunky, ever-joyful, five-pound Chihuahua had never really fazed me until the world went on full shut down mode. I arrived at my little cabin in the woods in mid March for Spring Break, and in two days learned we would shifting online and working remotely. My entire life, on the short term-- or so I thought-- would radically change. Initially, while challenging, I believed living in the woods for a couple weeks would be good for my soul. And it was for a while. Two weeks later, a dark cloud appeared and began to hover over me, leading me down a desperate valley. Only six cabins at my vacation resort, out of 296 were inhabited. It was cold, desolate, and simply lonely. As much as I attempted to make friends with the squirrels scampering around my tiny, snow-covered yard, collecting nuts, they never warmed up to the hospitality I offered. I began to relate to Tom Hank's character in the movie, Cast Away, and even understood why he befriended a inanimate object in a volleyball to keep him afloat. Never in my life had I felt more ALONE.
It's one thing to share a home with your spouse and kids in the midst of a dark era of social distancing, face masks, and ample hand sanitizing. But it's a completely different experience when all you have is... YOU. I wondered back then if I was the only one who felt that bleakness that seemed to circle my head, causing me to sleep in intervals of only a couple of hours, awaking in the morning consistently at 3:30 AM, with hundreds of random thoughts and anxieties filling my mind at a rapid and never-ending rate.
And it's not been an easy journey for anyone-- but, I'd argue uniquely difficult on those of us who have navigated this period of fear, anxiety, stress, seemingly never-ending periods of shut downs and closures, all the while being alone. The world around us has been in disarray for so long, and even our faith has been compromised. The pandemic shuttered our churches, leaving the much needed, weekly reminders of hope to be diminished at the very least, or vacant at the worst.
As an empath, I feel at the deepest core the emotions that others experience when enduring a mountain of pain and struggle. And this pandemic has amplified those feelings ten-fold. And I can say, I've witnessed many of my fellow single people go into the deepest periods of depression and despair, and some even feeling there is no way out other than considering suicide. An article printed in the Washington Post in November of 2020, entitled, "For months, he helped his son keep suicidal thoughts at bay. Then came the pandemic." reporter William Wan shared, "Since the coronavirus arrived, depression and anxiety have become rampant. Federal surveys show that 40 percent of Americans are now grappling with at least one mental health or drug-related problem. But young adults have been hit harder than any other age group, with 75 percent struggling. Even more alarming, when the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention asked young adults if they had thought about killing themselves in the past 30 days, 1 in 4 said they had."
Sobering and heartbreaking, these statistics are not only alarming, but they reveal a crisis beyond what we've even faced by this virus. We are taught to mask up to prevent spread of COVID-19. Little did we know that behind those masks are so many facing an illness that is destructive and potentially even more lethal.
I've learned a lot in the past three years. After ending a 23-year relationship, I've come to know as a single person, I am required to face life, and all it throws at me, within my own capabilities and decision making. And it hasn't been easy. Dual income households face challenges, yes, but relying on one to cover refrigerators that break down, furnaces that stop working in the middle of an arctic cold snap, or the random, unforeseen life circumstance can be daunting. Pair that stress with months of isolation, and you've got a perfect recipe for doomsday life perspectives.
Fortunately, I am blessed with a strong, ardent, fierce circle of friends and family, who have consistently checked in on me throughout this year of pandemic pandemonium. I'm grateful for each one, in more ways than I could ever express. But not everyone has that type of circle. Not everyone has his/her go-to "tribe", willing to help fight the battles you face, shoulder-to-shoulder, or even carry you when it's necessary to your survival.
In many ways, we as a culture have experienced our own World War in this pandemic. And much like a war, there are still soldiers out there wounded from the battle. As hope glimmers forward through vaccines, herd immunity, reduced cases of illness, we must be aware of the casualties of this conflict who remain silently in the shadows. Huddled in quarters cramp and void of light. Alone.
I challenge anyone who reads this to reflect on your current living situation. Do you have pets who greet you upon arrival home? Kids you can hug? A spouse who will snuggle with you on the coldest of nights? Are you employed? Do you have an income that is sustainable? Yes. You too have endured a dark chapter and that should never be minimized. Each of us has our own lived experience in this life.
But what about those in your circle who live alone? Have you checked in on them recently? Have you acknowledged that their journey might be different from yours? Have you kept channels of communication open and on regular intervals?
COVID 19 stole from us, hopefully only on the short term, the one thing that truly defines human existence-- connection. It's a lonely world out there for so many, and we all need to do our part to ensure those we know are reminded that they are not only cared for, but they are loved.
So, this is my challenge: reach out. Send that text. Make that call. FaceTime. Send a card, if you want to go old school. Just take a moment to reflect on your life and remember those around you who may not have the blessings you do.
For those of us who have faced depression and come out stronger for it, one thing is for certain and a most consistent of testimonies-- more than likely someone in your circle helped save you. All it takes is one. Be that one for someone. Be the human antidote to a problem deeply hidden behind so many our masks. And that, my friends, will be the greatest legacy you can give this world. Compassion, understanding, and love can make all of the difference. Do it boldly.
